i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
