you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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