It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
