This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
