chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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