You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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