I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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