You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
