Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
we're so committed to being not committed
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
