It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize