i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize