Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry mattengel hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(303): View more from Colorado

There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...

Fav 5 1207 809
share tweet
(317): View more from Indiana

I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.

Fav 42 4566 1840
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(434): View more from Virginia

Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.

Fav 32 1977 4219
share tweet
(617): View more from Massachusetts

Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...

Fav 16 4971 1316
share tweet
(610): View more from Pennsylvania

You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final

Fav 18 10503 1291
share tweet
(970): View more from Colorado

I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big

Fav 12 2226 3194
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(910): View more from North Carolina

he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol

Fav 5 1587 855
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(252): View more from North Carolina

i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.

Fav 1 595 1009
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(320): View more from Minnesota

I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.

Fav 0 611 282
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT