so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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