do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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