She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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