hell yes lets make some ravioli
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Everyone says I win the strip club
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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