When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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