When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
