Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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