It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
