I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
