ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize