I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We're too hungover to prance.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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