i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
