Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just want nice things and good sex
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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