I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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