I showed him my bush... on skype.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize