He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
