Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
