i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
