i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
