mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
