the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
