is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
