jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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