Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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