the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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