It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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