one two three fourrrrnication!
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
