Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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