I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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