I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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