Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize