Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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