the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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