Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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