You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
