Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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