I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
