Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
