do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
