I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
