i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
