Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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