We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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