She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
