Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
