Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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