you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
