Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
