If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
