I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
