Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
