so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
