So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
