I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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