just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
