I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
