hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize