wrigley field is MILF paradise
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
