i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize