quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
