He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
