I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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