Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize