I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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