I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
COCAINE IS GR8
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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