benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
