glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
