Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
