I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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