Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
try to milk me bitch
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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