My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
