It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
